Hold Me Closer, Hold Me Together
by arithmadick2-0
Summary: The rug wasn't completely out from under her, but she needed his help to sew it back together. Graphic Description of a Panic Attack
Pulling into his apartment's parking garage, Happy takes a deep breath and tries to steady herself but she's much too upset much too fast and knows the only way to not suffer this is with his arms around her, his voice murmuring in her ear and telling her how she's slowly relaxing. Her hands fumble the key and she feels as if her brain is in complete chaos compared to her body. It only makes her panic more.

Beginning to pound on the door as loudly as she can, she doesn't recognize it's open until her hands hit his chest. He sees immediately she's not well; the rapid rise and fall of her chest, biting into her lip so hard it's drawing blood to keep from crying, hands trembling. Toby pulls her inside his apartment and closes the door (she jumps at the loud slam it makes), pulling her to his chest and knowing he needs to comfort her first and ask questions later.

Every time she gets control of her breath she feels as if it's ripped away. She clutches at her chest hard enough to leave nail marks but the distraction of pain is still ridden over by loss of control. Her brain has short-circuited and she can make out Toby's voice though the words sound garbled, like he's yelling them at her from underwater. It makes her feel insane, illogical.

"Happy," He starts, his voice calm despite the fact that he's freaking out on the inside and he's never seen her even a quarter this hysterical. "You need to breathe, babe. You can't pass out and you won't if you breathe with me. C'mon, love." He's rubbing her back but he feels soft tears start to soak his skin and knows this is getting worse instead of better.

Her tears start and Happy doesn't know if she'll be able to stop. She can't make out a single thought and her shaking hands twist into his shirt, trying to ground herself.

"You're safe, love, I promise. Can you try to breathe with me?" He asks and she shakes her head. She doesn't trust her voice mixed with the tears and she wants to gain control back over her being but doesn't know how and Happy feels as if she's being ripped in half.

Adjusting around her, Toby sets Happy so her back is pressed flush against his chest. He takes deep breaths, praying she'll follow and be able to calm down. He can't imagine what would've set off this kind of frenzy for her and he feels so helpless.

-x-

It takes twenty minutes for Happy to take a breath, and Toby closes his eyes in relief. Pressing a soft kiss to her head he whispers gently, trying to draw her back to him with his voice.

"There you are, babe. You're okay, you're in control." Happy shudders a breath and turns in his arms to face him, burying her face in his chest and taking in his scent. "I'm sorry." Comes out, croaky and small. Toby holds her tighter and tells her there's nothing to be sorry for.

"Let's shower, okay, Hap? You'll feel better and then you can talk to me about what happened." Happy nods against his chest and moves to stand, wiping her cheeks and letting out a breath. Toby leans down to kiss her forehead, eliciting a small smile from her that makes him grin as well. They walk back and while Toby turns the water on warm Happy slips out of her clothes from that day. They step in and Happy's head tips back, letting the water wash over her. Toby washes her hair, gently massaging her scalp and then taking down the showerhead to get all the soap from her locks. She smiles small and soaps up her hands, beginning to run her hands over his body, feeling his muscles, as he finishes her hair. Toby rolls his neck in contentment and when she turns and ends the flow of water, he grabs a towel to wrap around her. She steps out and he follows.

"Can I have a shirt of yours and a pair of leggings I keep here?" Happy asks and Toby tells her he'll be right back with a kiss to her head. Bringing the clothes back, she slips them on and then leads Toby back to the couch, sitting cross-legged on his lap and facing him, her arms loosely around his neck.

"My dad's in the hospital. He had a heart attack." Toby's eyes widen and then close in realization, his hands come up and rub her shoulders to keep her from crying again as he searches for words of comfort.

"Hap, I'm sure he'll pull through this. No matter what I'm by your side the entire time, I promise. Can you tell me what state he was in when you left the hospital?"

Happy pales, her mouth opening in shock before she shakes her head slightly.

"I just got the call that he'd be taken to the hospital and was taken into surgery and then came straight here because I didn't know what to do. Someone came into his shop and he was unconscious." Toby nods as she speaks, taking breaths that she sees are steady and following along.

"Then let's do this, babe. We'll get dressed and go down, see how your dad is doing and visit for a while if we can. If not, we'll go back in the morning. I promise I won't let go." Exhaling, Happy nods. She takes a second to compose herself before speaking.

"Thank you so much, Doc." Pulling him to her for a hug, Toby kisses her shoulder before whispering that he loves her.

-x-

Walking into the sterility of the hospital, Happy tenses. Toby knows the thought of hospitals makes her cringe and he squeezes her hand more tightly when he feels her do the same.

"Hello, I'm Happy Quinn and I got a call earlier about my father, Patrick. I need to know his condition, if I can see him?" Swallowing, Happy holds the desk woman's gaze, her chest loosening when she looks back with a smile.

"Mr. Quinn has been stabilized and is currently in the ICU. He's likely resting, and visiting ends in about half an hour, but you can see him for a while if you'd like, yes. I'll lead you back."

Toby leans down and kisses Happy's head in the elevator ride up. Walking down a few hallways, the woman gently opens a door and Happy takes in a sharp breath of anxiety. Holding the door open the two enter. "I'll have someone come get you when visiting is over. You can come back around 7 tomorrow morning." She leaves them with a smile and Happy turns to Patrick. She pulls a chair up next to his bed, setting one of her hands over his and squeezing it as she feels tears start to well in her eyes.

"He looks good, safe." She whispers and Toby sets a hand on her back, rubbing small circles over her shoulder blade. He finds another chair and matches it even with hers.

"His vitals and charts look good. He'll need to take it easy for a very long time, but if he makes it through the night he has a really good chance of survival, Hap."

"Really?" Toby smiles small, nodding and adding another hand to the mix.

"He's still here with you, he's strong and he'll pull through this."

They sit in silence for the rest of the time, and Happy says she's family and she'll stay as long as she wants when someone tries to pull them out. "I'll make this government business if I have to." She threatens and they relent. It's near midnight when Happy stands to stretch, looking over and noticing Toby's asleep in a chair. His head is tipped back and mouth open, snoring softly. She still doesn't want to leave, but she knows she'll hear if he wakes so she kisses her father's forehead before moving to Toby's chair, curling small in his lap and pulling his jacket over them like a blanket. Kissing his neck Toby moans softly.

"I love you, Doc." His arms tighten around her and he mumbles it back in a groggy voice. Happy looks around the room, seeing her dad sleeping peacefully and alive, the stars shining just barely from the window, and finally Toby. She doesn't know what tomorrow will bring but for the time being everyone she loves is safe and with her and no matter how broken she feels, she'll always have someone by her side to help her pick up the pieces.


End file.
